Month: December 2025

  • The theater of being a human

    The theater of being a human

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in , ,

    When I was a young adult, I looked for boyfriends to tell me who I am. I would find a boyfriend, try to mould myself into who I thought they wanted me to be, and when I burned myself out pretending, I’d move on to a new one. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends in…

  • “I meant it when I said I’d leave so let it go”

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in , ,

    “I meant it when I said I’d leave so let it go, please mate” InMe – Amnesty: Bonsai Forest What happens when you set boundaries? Nothing. Absolutely fuck all. You don’t magically heal from the years of trauma someone has caused you. You don’t magically learn to forgive. You don’t find some serene sense of…

  • “Breaking the mould before we’re aching & old.”

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in , ,

    When you grow up maintaining someone else’s emotions, you also grow up not having room and time maintaining your own. And if you happen to be a sensitive child, a crybaby, you end up swallowing a lot of feelings. “And I tried like you never, you left me to teach myself.And I cried & swallowed…

  • How my world became small.

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in , ,

    Hardest part of burning out is not the burnout. It’s the fact that you can’t just burn out, recover and continue as you did before the burnout. You have to change your whole life, so you don’t burn yourself out again. You have to make your world smaller. You have to remove unnecessary noise. You…

  • Learning to read at 36

    Learning to read at 36

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in ,

    I learned to read when I was five. I was a talented kid. I don’t know when and where all that talent got left behind, but somehow, at 36 I have found myself in a place where I need to learn to read again. I’ve always loved reading. One of my most memorable weekends from…

  • Trauma has no expiration date

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in , ,

    Trauma has no expiration date. It does not go away the longer you wait. It does not go away the longer I wait. And in fact… it just does not go away. No matter how much I deal with it, no matter how much I talk or cry or process it. You can spend the…

  • Retired.

    —

    by

    keamesi
    in

    14 years, 7 months and 20 days. That’s how long I survived in full-time work before I’m back on disability pension. When I was young, I was on disability pension until I somehow managed to score a job. Then went to uni. Started to build a great career. On paper I look great. International, studied…